Friday, June 26, 2009

Drunken fun

Yesterday I went to the country with a shotgun and a case of beer. I got drunk, and I shot about 30 birds. I shot a pheasant or two, a few crows, three cardinals, and a shitload more I don't know the names of. I was drunk as shit. I saw some cows, and the gun scared the shit out of them. I wanted to kill one and cut a porterhouse out of the motherfucker. The fun ended when a farmer drove up, and threatened to call the cops. What an asshole. I still consider it a success.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Retarted birds


If ketchup is a condiment for fags and broads, then the penguin is the ketchup of the bird population. These pieces of shit are good for nothing but living at the zoo. These stupid assholes can't even fly. These retarded fucking birds aren't afraid of people either, which means if you want to chop one's head off with a machete it's not that hard to do. I encourage anyone to try this, I want to kill these pieces of shit, and then eat them.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Bird Bath

I installed one of those bird bath fucking things in my backyard the other day. So about an hour ago, I was sitting on my back deck, and two birds were fucking around in it, and it looked like they were trying to fuck. I nailed one in the gut. I've been using hollow point pellets, so I'm sure it did a number on the cocksucker.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Today's fun

Today I took a field trip to the woods. My pellet gun was with me, and I killed a lot of those fucking birds. I even took a few shots at a bald eagle. Those motherfuckers really need to go extinct. I was angry today, and I killed a shitload of birds. Those motherfuckers.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Wind Power

Wind power is good for one reason: those fucking birds fly into those turbines. It's a fucking miracle, we can generate energy and kill birds at the same time. Those fucking blades are killing more birds per day than I could imagine with the pellet gun. For these reasons, I will do anything to get more windmills built around these parts.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

A bird that needs to die


The California Condor

This motherfucker's endangered, so if you see one, shoot to kill. These things are really a pain in the ass. They make unnecessary noise, and they're pieces of shit in general. Fuck this bird.

I shot a pigeon in the face

Today I was grilling, just minding my own business. I had my pellet gun with me, of course. So I was grilling a steak, and a pigeon landed on my driveway. I was as smooth as possible, pumped the gun a few times, and shot it in the face. It was great. I then dumped some lighter fluid on the body, and burned the son of a bitch.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The bird I like

I like chickens, and not just because they taste good. Cockfighting is a great sport, and I think it should be the national passtime. There's nothing like betting a bunch of Beaners on which chicken's going to get killed first. Let's face it: gambling is a way of life, and one of the best ways to participate is a good old cockfight. Plus, you can eat the loser at the end.

Damn Birds woke me up this morning

The motherfuckers were chirping and shit while I was trying to sleep. I was hungover, and so after a while, I went shopping. I got a scope for the pellet gun, and some birdfeeders for the backyard. I'm going to set up the birdfeeders tomorrow, and then it's open season.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Today's death count

Today I only killed two birds. I think they were sparrows. I found a nest, though, and when I get my hands on some fireworks that shits getting blown up. Fuck birds.

How I'm Going to Kill this Shit

It's time to go Passenger Pigeon on these motherfuckers. I think the plan of action here should be not to just kill all the birds possible, but to go with specific species. I'm going to start killing endangered ones first, that way we can extinct that shit rather quickly. The only birds not on the list are chickens and turkeys, because they taste good. I think KFC is doing a bang up job with their chickens, it's a good idea to make them suffer before they die. As for me, I'll be up at the butt crack of dawn drinking and shooting.

Summer is here

Summer time has come again, and that means one thing. I'm gonna get drunk on the porch and kill the shit out of some birds.
Just got a new pellet gun, she's a beaut. I really fucking hate birds, all they ever do is shit on stuff and make unnecessary noise. There are a lot of cardinals in my area, and I'm gonna shoot one in the face in the next few days. Next week sometime, I think I'm gonna go for a walk in the woods and shoot an eagle. Keep me updated on your bird killing, we've got to organize.